Day 150: Do I go on?

Strange that I am a Breton. Strange, as it seems today I was more the Khajiit, and the Khajiit who surrounded me sounded more like the Bretons. For a Breton it seems the lure of being Archmage of Vvardenfell would be insurmountable, but when I rose this morning from a late sleep I was more than ready to spurn it. Ahnassi, Ajira, and Habasi would hear none of it.

The higher ranks of the Mage's Guild would likely not have swayed me, but Ajira does. The Khajiit are not numerous or well represented in the guild, and Ajira has at times suffered for it. Trebonius, of course, is of no use in providing equity or solution. To Ajira it seems that any new Archmage would likely be cut of the same cloth; any save for me. This very reasoning would have me resign the guild and retire to some distant corner of the empire. To be the Archmage would call me to stand against the dangers that threaten the guild. To be the Archmage that Ajira wants is to set myself as a bulwark against the way things are within the guild as well. Do I not have enough enemies?

I did not discuss the Nerevarine prophecies with them, but Ahnassi knows. She knows that the Nerevarine is expected to drive the outlanders from Morrowind. The time of the Nerevarine is at hand. The new king in Mournhold is strong, and the Empire's grip is weak. If I do not become the Nerevarine, who will? Some bigoted Dunmer that will demand an exodus, and enslave any who don't move fast enough? Imperials and Bretons, high elven Altmer and even the wood elves would likely have grace to make their exits, but Argonians and Khajiit have been taken as slaves by the Dunmer throughout history. I looked at the beautifully striped faces, every one so unique, and could not turn away from the questions.

But what I want is to take my dear one far from Morrowind. I hold the Dark Brotherhood's writ for my life, but I do not know in whose name it was issued. Although I destroyed their power in Mournhold the Dark Brotherhood has operated for millennia. I cannot rest as if this setback has made me safe; me or Ahnassi. She says she will not leave, but I know that she would. She knows of a security expert who can make our house safe, or we could take another house and have it secured. I do not think that enough.

I have made promises; to Ashlanders, to slaves, to free citizens who choose Vvardenfell as their home. Those promises haunt me now. There would be so much left undone if I fled now. I listen to my Ahnassi softly purring in the night. The sleep she sleeps with me in the room is secure, as I am here to face the dangers that I bring into her life. Do I allow any other security to take my place? The sun will rise. It pinks the eastern sky already. Though it would disappoint many I may never leave her side again.