Day 121: Stalking to Balmora

I am hiding at Caius' house. I have calmed considerably, partly because the corprus disease does not seem to be advancing very rapidly. I have noticed a slight heaviness to my muscles, and I am perhaps a tick slower in my thoughts, but that is hard to judge. Caius assures me that I seem normal to him, except for a slight slackening in my face. In some ways I appreciate him more than ever, in others I am furious with him.

I awoke this morning in the Sixth House base at Ilinubi, feeling fortunate to be alive. I slept heavily, tortured by strange dreams, and could have easily been dispatched by some passing horror. I suspect this heavy dream filled sleep is a part of the disease, and I will have to take particular care in choosing where I sleep. I face a daunting journey, and I am excluded from any tradehouse or other shelter. I also obviously cannot negotiate any sort of transport. No caravaner would allow me on a strider, and I cannot risk entering a guild hall. I must travel the backwaters and byways, on foot.

My destination lies deep in Telvanni territory; almost completely across Vvardenfell. At Tel Fyr an ancient Telvanni wizard has been studying the disease. Divayth Fyr apparently runs what he calls a 'corprusarium', giving shelter to those who bear the corprus as he continues his research. Caius believes that Fyr has found a cure, and suggests that the wizard may be swayed by supplying him with a rare Dwemer artifact that Caius provided me. I am very grateful to the spymaster for providing this priceless item, but still agravated at the tune he has been playing for me to dance along.

He has been investigating cures for the corprus for some time. I could look at this as providence, or forethought. The deeper element though is that he fully expected to need the information because he expected me to catch the disease. When he sent me on the mission against Dagoth Gares he stepped up his efforts, because he was almost certain I would come back cursed with corprus. He could have warned me, instead of quietly preparing for this. When I angrily exploded at him his eyes narrowed and he looked first angry, then pained. "Arvil, I would rather not have sent you into this, but there are men I have sent to their deaths, good men. I would rather not have done that as well. I have done what I've done. I live with it. Hopefully you will too. If you don't I'll have to live with that as well." For the first time I realized that Caius disguise as an old man comes naturally enough to him. He carries a great weight. For obvious reasons I hope not to add myself to the burdens of his conscience.